I thought I had a close, trusting, open, caring relationship with my parents. I tell everyone how I grew up in a small, close, great family. But lately I’ve been seeing something that I never saw before. (My husband said he saw it back when we were dating.) But I am starting to wonder if these family issues were there all along and I had selective viewing.
I am seeing that my parents have an unhealthy relationship. My dad makes the rules and decisions and my mom (being the “good wife that she is”) just follows. But she never voices her opinion, but just follows like a good little martyr.
My parents just moved half way across the country because my sister made my father feel like he owed it to her to live there. Although my mom was depressed for over a year….and already has issues with depression that go unchecked…he made her pack up her favorite house and move just because my sister and her family decided to go there.
After selling many of their personal items, antiques and keepsakes, and putting the rest in storage out there, they moved. (Their new place was so small that they had to rent the storage garage for quite a bit of money every month.)
When they got it all cleaned out eventually, they were relieved. Messes and unfinished business makes my mom worry and unable to rest.
Then the boxes filled their new place. Stress unfolded again as they unpacked again. Relieved they had the boxes out of storage (although they had to again sell most of the items), they had to unpack again.
Now, after buying some shelving units, a new table and chairs, new couch and so forth, they have to pack it all up and do it again….all because my sister decided to build a bigger, better house.
She wants them to move in with them and live in their basement. They will pay rent, but it will be “cheaper” than what they pay now….(Hmmm…I hate to be a pessimist but I am not seeing a pattern of goodwill here on my sister’s part. She seems to be using them over and over. But my parents…or my father… doesn’t see it and lets the cycle continue.)
She has two little children who are often in need of childcare. And although my parents were only babysitting twice a week, they are now babysitting five days a week. (Imagine when they move in.)
That will save my sister money! And it will give her money from the rent they will pay! My mom said that this is supposed to give her and my father more “freedom.” What? How? She is not seeing things clearly.
Now they won’t give us a date on when they will come and visit us for Christmas. I also have two children who want to know when their family members are visiting us. My sister hasn’t been to visit us in several years, although we have flown and driven to see her family countless times.
My mom said my sister has been selected for a raise of some sort in her job, and will need to do more training. This seems to always be the case. I really don’t care what the reason for this dysfunctional cycle is. I want it to stop.
I want my parents to enjoy life…to travel and not be afraid of the world (or each other…or themselves). I also want my sister to stop being so selfish and pretending to be altruistic. I mean, we’re all adults. Ugh.
Sorry for this outburst. I am in need of advice, so I hope someone out there can hear this and will respond as to what the best, most Christian way to handle this is. I want to turn the other cheek, but I also need to stop the abusive cycle and not allow harmful behaviors into our family.
Rest well. God bless.